A Saturday morning with the Prodigal Son

I will be leading worship at a young adult retreat in a few weeks. The theme of the retreat is Welcome Home, and is based on the Prodigal Son story from the Gospel of Luke.

As I reflect on the story (with help from Henry Nouwen and his reflections in Return of the Prodigal Son), several opposing words/thoughts come to mind:

pride/humility, fear/trust, question/mystery, isolation/communion, desperation/hope, conversion/mission, busyness/peace, emptiness/love

This really is the question that really confronts me as I consider this story and Nouwen's reflections: "Do I, Pat, know that God forgives me and will do ANYTHING to provide me a better life than the one I am living now?"

The answer to this question is arguably the most important question we have to answer in our earthly lives.

I'm guessing that the prodigal son had to answer it. If he didn't (although, it probably took him a long time to answer it), the story would have turned out much differently.

I'm also guessing that the older son had to answer it. It seems like he may not have known the answer to the question, though, since he was so busy trying to manipulate God's love.

It's easy for me to consider my superficial answer to this question in my own life. I know that I'm supposed to say yes, but, I have to remind myself that yes opens the door to God doing/allowing whatever is necessary to get me to surrender to His love: loss of money, loss of family/friends, loss of title, loss of status. And, I don't know about you all, but the prospect of these things happening is not pleasant.

God, my Father, WORKS to earn my love.

However, my yes requires me to swallow my pride (in humble surrender) AND AT THE SAME TIME be loved (in humble surrender) by a Father that loves without reservation. This love must be celebrated first in communion with Him and then with all those brothers and sisters that He blesses me with in community.

And my yes also requires me to be re-fashioned by grace so that my thoughts, words and deeds are an unmistakeable proclamation of my sonship with my Father. It is this proclamation that not only changes lives, but makes my own life ridiculously full and complete and joyful.

So, for me, I think that I need to "re-know" God's forgiveness again...and again...and again...

Doing vs. Being (or Being...and then Doing?)

This tension between Doing and Being has been a long, hard-fought battle in the minds and hearts of all people. For me, it has come up recently, as I've had the chance to reflect on my life.

Doing is how most of us choose to live our lives. We are in a culture of doers. We are taught, both institutionally and through other forms of socialization, that we must "do" to succeed. Our performance is in direct correlation to what we achieve and what titles/status we hold. To not "do" is considered a negative thing.

What then is Being? Is it some holistic approach to living life that is in contrast - or even in opposition - to Doing? Is it some trendy idea being espoused on talk shows and self-help books?

Being, for me, is best understood by this simple verse in Scripture:

Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

Being is acknowledging our brokenness. Being is our desire to be loved by the One who loves us first. Being is having the need to be healed of that brokenness by a Healer that is much greater than anything the world has to offer.

Being is communion.

For when we are in communion with our God, we find rest. This communion leads us to better understand our life and opens us to God's invitation to live it more completely and more fully. Communion is the motivation to "do", because with God, all things are possible.

Being - and the communion that comes with Being - gives purpose to our Doing.

Most Christians understand the word "communion" in the context of a liturgical celebration or worship service. And if we believe that this communion in these settings is a direct encounter with Our Lord's Presence, we are blessed by this moment.

Perhaps we can think of communion, however, much more broadly than just this singular moment that happens at Sunday Mass or church service or temple or holy gathering. Perhaps communion is an entire mountain upon which God's presence rests. And the desire in our human hearts for communion with our God could be an invitation from Him to climb the mountain, with our gaze fixed intently on the top where He gazes back at us with longing to offer us peace and mercy.

Some of us will go to the top, because our love for Christ is deep and moves us to make the necessary sacrifice to journey there. Some of us will be on different parts of the mountain, still being shined upon by a God who loves us unconditionally, and especially when we find it hard to love Him.

Now, he most certainly does not work only at the top.

Along the way, our Friend comes to us, walks with us, and sends us help to quench our thirst, gives us courage, makes us whole. However, He does this only if we invite Him into our journey and our hearts. If we don't, He still waits for us, patiently.

And regardless of what titles we have, all the good we've done, all the bad we've done, all our success and failures, all of our sin, His love for us at the top is the same as it is where ever we are on our way to the top.

Why?

Because maybe, just maybe, our desire for communion (Being) can lead us to say yes to Christ's invitation to come and have rest (Doing).

Hey, anyone know which way to the mountain of the Lord?

Being pastoral

Those of us in ministry have such a wonderful tool that helps us in our service of the Church. Being pastoral. In the easy decision and situations. And definitely in the hard ones too.

Being pastoral allows us to enter into the depth and context of every relationship and situation, and move toward uncovering a reality that can't be seen if we don't see the big picture.

It's kind of like someone stealing $5. Obviously, stealing $5 is morally unacceptable. If we don't go deeper, we'd resolve the situation by, justifiably, punishing the thief.

However, what if we were to discover that the person who stole was trying to buy milk for his needy, hungry child?

Being pastoral in action.

So, here's the question of the moment:

Is being pastoral compatible with the reality of the truths and doctrines that define Catholic life?

I mean it's a question of how do we manage the tension between the letter of the law (stealing is wrong) or the spirit of the law (but, physical hunger is wrong too). And which of the two is the right thing to choose, if we're desiring to be authentically Catholic?

There are so many situations - publicized and not - that we can see how this plays out: Teens and Confirmation, Notre Dame and President Obama, Pope Benedict and rogue priests, American Catholics and Church moral teaching.

Perhaps, in the interest of keeping peace in our faith communities (and not sparking a migration out of our communities), the current definition of being pastoral seems to rest in the spirit of the law. However, have we gone too far in forgetting, and even disregarding, the letter of the law?

In all situations, the choice between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law must be decided with and in love. But, is real love only offering a hug and forgiveness (and a gallon of milk)? Or does the Church and her Body need to do the things that are necessary to bring about conversion, even when it will most certainly cause anger and division?

Can being pastoral be more accurately defined as choosing to create good tension (caused by faithfulness to God's truth and trust that His way WILL prevail in spite of tremendous suffering) and bad tension (caused lack of love on the Church's part - and the ministers who serve the Church - in not going deep enough to uncover the reality of the conditions and circumstances of our brothers and sisters)?

Basketball, basketball, basketball

I have a basketball family. Thanks to my dad. And my grandfather. And my uncles.

So, this time of year is fun. Final Four. NBA playoffs.

Since I'm hanging with the family this weekend, some observations:

• We bought my parents a new, HD, flat panel TV. Don't worry. My dad paid.
• It was neat to see, after we set up the TV, how basketball and the new nephew brought us together.
• The Lakers are only one game behind the Cavs for the best record in the league after last night.
• But, why the heck is Pau Gasol still playing so many minutes this late in the season? He had as much post season activity as Kobe (since they played each other in the gold medal game of the Olympics). Laker Nations needs Pau as much Kobe.
• Andrew Bynumn can have as much fun as he wants. Just stay away from the Playboy Mansion and Playboy bunnies and get your knee better.
• Could it be that we have a Villanova/Michigan State championship game?
• I just watched this Jay Bilas segment on Villanova's offense. I like this stuff, understanding the ins and outs of the game. Bilas should be a coach.

Back to lounging...

Confirmation...and conversion?

Ah, yes, more on Confirmation and conversion.

I guess both have been top of mind for me since two of my most recent postings have dealt with both topics separately.

But, if we were to look deeper, don't these two topics actually have a very direct relatedness?

I think for many Confirmation programs, the primary focus has been catechesis. And I LOVE catechesis. I was raised with it in my house. I desire to not only understand the Catholic life better, but how to better share that life with others.

The fact of the matter is that my teenage years - which were spent diving into Catholic teaching, thanks to my parental catechists - is very unlike the experience of many young people today.

Now, my experience of serving the Church as a youth minister has led me to not only appreciate my parents' gift of our weekly Sunday morning breakfast catechism classes, but to know that there is a strong desire in families to have a similar faith formation. However, instead of doing within the "domestic Church", many families come to the our youth ministries to fill that void.

I interview all of our Confirmation candidates. And, to a person, all of them say that they want to be confirmed to be closer to God, to understand Him more, to be an "adult" member of the Church.

All great responses. But, to be honest, those are the answers you would expect from people who have a very outside-looking-in perspective of their faith.

So, there are questions that come to mind...

• Does catechesis and encounter alone really bring teens into a deeper appreciation and understanding of the implications of the Sacrament of Confirmation not just for the present, but for the future as well?
• Do we, the ministers charged with preparing teens for Confirmation, make assumptions about where our teens are at in their faith journeys instead of entering into the reality of their lives when they come to us?
• Have we allowed teens to really express how they feel about God, Church, religion, morality, good, bad, even if what they express is not Catholic teaching?

In the interest of serving the Church better, what if we looked at our Confirmation prep activities as agents for...

CONVERSION: What if our primary mission in Confirmation prep was to offer our young people the choice for conversion? What if we invited teens to be blinded like St. Paul on the road to Damascus, that they might see like they haven't before. Because, for me, conversion is much more than catechesis. It is rooted in catechesis for sure. But, the truth is, a high school student who can explain transubstantiation or the trinity is no more likely to attend Mass every Sunday than a student who can't. If our focus was more on conversion, don't we have a better chance at helping teens understand and appreciate their faith better?

ASSESSMENT: Do we take the time to really know where a teen is at in his/her faith? Do we sit down with them to celebrate where their faith has been lived and practiced? Do we identify areas where they can draw closer to Christ, through conversion and with love? I think too often we cattle-herd teens into one option for preparing to receive Confirmation. Come to weekly meetings. Do service. Go on retreat. And while all those things are necessary, teens are at different places on their faith journey. Those different places have distinct qualities and cannot and should not be addressed by one methodology. Of course, we wouldn't know where teens are unless we ask. And listen.

DIALOGUE: High school students are much more aware of the world and the culture than I was when I was their age. As such, I think their questions are much deeper, much more probing. What if we provided a chance for teens to express how they view their lives and their worlds, especially if that view is not shared by the Church in which they want to confirm their faith? Perhaps part of the conversion process is allowing teens to be heard, and loving them especially in their lack of faith and lack of belief. Shouldn't we know what they're thinking so that we can give them the real truth from the source of truth, Jesus Christ?

Pope Benedict's attitude towards Confirmation has really changed my approach towards my ministry.

And if he can change his view on the Sacrament, well then shouldn't I? And if I want my teens to change, then shouldn't I be first willing to change too? Not only in my own faith journey, but also in how I serve them and walk with them to Christ? And, maybe, just maybe, teens haven't embraced catechesis because we haven't made a compelling case for the joys of conversion.

After all, shouldn't our mission be that every teen be confirmed?

Dreaming about the Sacrament of Confirmation

For those of you who are in Catholic youth ministry, one of the joys (and tremendously HEAVY crosses we bear) is preparing teens to receive the Sacrament of Confirmation.

It's joyful because we get to encounter Christ with teens.

It's hard because, often times, this encounter is not as fruitful as WE would like.

You know what they say: If it's broke, then fix it.

There is much debate in our Church on whether or not the it (our human understanding of the purpose and value of the Sacrament itself AND the process by which the Sacrament is administered) is indeed broken.

For me, the very fact that there is disagreement on when young people should receive the Sacrament, how they should prepare to receive it, if they should receive it at all, and that they stop practicing their faith after receiving the Sacrament are all signs that it's not just broken, but REALLY broken.

If this is true, then shouldn't we consider changing? Not the bishops, not the priests, not the parents, not the teens. But those of us who Christ has called into this ministry of bringing the young church closer to Him.

How does that saying go, Be the change you want in the world?

So, Church, I need your help to dream a little bit with me.

What if the immediate preparation for the Sacrament of Confirmation (particularly for those dioceses where the Sacrament is administered during high school) was a modified form of the RCIA process?

Notre Dame and President Obama

So, there is a huge controversy in the Catholic circles concerning the University of Notre Dame and President Obama.

Notre Dame's president, Fr. Jenkins, has invited President Obama to be this year's commencement speaker.

As many of you know, President Obama has been very outspoken about his pro-abortion stance. The growing uproar comes from the feeling that, by being allowed to speak at a Catholic institution, the President will be making a mockery - by his very presence - of the Church's doctrine on the value and sacredness of human life.

I love the University of Notre Dame. I have been to the campus several times. And it is most certainly a place where Our Blessed Mother Mary is present.

I'm sure there are many complex issues here. But, to me, the one that is central to whole discussion is that the university clearly did not view this situation with the lens of our Catholic identity. This has been a challenge for the university in the past.

Having the President speak at Notre Dame is a problem for the entire Church. However, the bigger issue is that we need to take care of our own house, and work harder to unite our own Catholic family under the guidance and strength of Our Father...and the love and gentleness of Our Mother.

A holy man follows the movement of the spirit

Today is a bittersweet day for the Catholic Church in San Diego. Bishop Salvatore Cordelione has been appointed as the bishop of the Diocese of Oakland, California.

He will be a gigantic blessing for the faithful there. His humility, faithfulness and boldness will most certainly have an impact.

I had the chance to get to know him during my time in the priestly formation program for the Diocese of San Diego. Smart. Well-spoken. Charismatic.

There is a lot of sadness here as Bishop Sal departs. But his impact on this local church - his home town church - will be long lasting.

The choice in conversion

So I woke up with many thoughts aflowing on this Monday morning. The first was, "wow no rain here?"

The second was the idea of conversion.

I wondered what choices St. Paul had to face (and struggle with) after his encounter with Christ on the road to Damascus. Do I listen to the Voice and go with my friends to Damascus? Do I want this priest to restore my sight? Do I really want to be different? Do I have a say in all of this?

I can't imagine that Paul's conversion was as straight-forward as it would appear from reading the book of Acts. So there must have been choices. Hard choices. The freedom to choose.

Would Paul's conversion been a real, honest conversion, if he didn't have a choice in responding to the Voice of Christ? What if he had been forced to make a change in his life?

So, then I go to thinking about ministry. How I go about it. How the Church goes about it. I've been particularly moved and challenged by this idea of Youth Ministry 3.0. Communional and missional. That's the direction we're heading. And, at least in my experience, that's the right direction to go.

But, for communional and missional to really have life, the life of the Holy Spirit, isn't conversion the hinge on which this movement rests? And shouldn't it be a conversion similar to St. Paul's, a conversion that is entered in to in and with freedom?

The Church - especially those of us in youth ministry that have access to the latest relational and evangelizing technologies - is good at creating an encounter with Christ.

Retreat. Conference. Camp. Worship service. Mission trip. Sacraments. Eucharist.

But, after the encounter, are we good enough at boldly and lovingly offering the choice of conversion? Not a coercive conversion (i.e., you will go to hell if you sin). But an authentic, from-the-inside-out new-born desire to recognize hope in love, hope in faith, hope in redemption, hope in fulfilling the deepest desires of our heart.

Because, to me, communional and missional is not possible without conversion. Without offering the choice of conversion, do our ministries fall short of what Christ and the Church is calling us to?

Without conversion, don't we leave God waiting on us on the doorsteps of our hearts for Him to share his unwavering love and mercy?

Happy birthday?

Our culture certainly places a lot of importance on money. This explains why the news is so full of stories of how our current financial downturn has affected EVERYONE, rich and poor alike.

But in our desire to use money in our best interests for us and our family, we find an interesting dilemma in defining what is essential and what is not.

Perhaps for some, a birthday party would be considered not essential when money is tight (or, in many cases these days, when there is no money at all). But, a non-profit organization in Massachusetts would disagree. And is doing something about it.

Proof perhaps that self-donating love shines the brightest when darkness seems to surround us?

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

The First Amendment...really?

Our country has always prided itself in freedom of speech for all people. But it is possible for even the President to abuse this:

Maybe we really can't say whatever we want, whenever we want. Could it be that the real spirit of the First Amendment demands and expects temperance?

You better believe that words can break hearts as much as it can fill them with love.

Attention all technology people...

I will be the first person to admit that I am a technology G-E-E-K!

I enjoy being around technology. I've worked at technology stores. I "snuck" into this year's Consumer Electronics Show (amazing experience!).

I am very excited about the soon-to-be-released Palm Pre smartphone.

I have a blog, Facebook, Twitter, and ways to update all three on my phone.

My MacBook goes with me wherever I go.

And, if I was being honest, I could find more technology to be consumed with.

So, this morning, as I was exchanging Tweets with fellow youth minister Chris Faddis, this simple phrase re-surfaced in my mind:

Hi-tech/low touch

Bob Schrimpf is a friend, a holy man of God, a devoted husband and father, and a youth worker who has influenced many ministries and lives across the country. He coined this phrase and has shared it at conferences and meetings that he is asked to speak at.

And he shares this phrase to point out that, while our technology makes us more "efficient", it does not make us more loving or compassionate. Our humanity is not "cyber" by nature, it is physical by nature.

Touch, not texts, are natural. The warmth of a hug, not a Facebook bumper sticker, expresses authentic, loving relationship. Sharing laughter with one friend, not hundreds of anonymous Twitter followers, will bring us joy and peace.

This is not a bashing of technology or the people that use it!!!!

Technology works. And it does have a place in our culture, in our family lives, in our ministries.

But, for as advanced as technology will continue to become, it will not replace the need for the physical-ness of our human relationships.

Why is this? There are lots of very smart people, inventing very smart things.

Those smart people thinking up those smart gadgets can't design or create one very important thing...

LOVE.

Incarnated, self-donated love is the ONLY thing that can fulfill our deepest desires and longings.

And that can only come from Our Creator, the One who made us in His image and likeness, who reaches down from Heaven to touch us - I mean, physically and really touch us - in the Sacraments, in the Church, in our relationships.

We may have a hard time perceiving God as God. It is an act of faith to recognize that he is touching us, speaking to us, watching us, listening to us at every moment of our day in a very real and physical way.

So, send out your text or post or tweet. But be sure to follow that up with love.

March Tension

I will filling out my one and only bracket for the NCAA Men's basketball tourney last night. I'm not a stat geek, so I really make my picks based on, how do you say, intuition (a fancy word for guessing).

But an interesting dilemma came up. The UCLA Bruins are playing the Virginia Commonwealth Rams in the first round of the East Regional. I have been a UCLA fan all of my life. And, of course, the fan in me wants them to win the National Championship (or at least get to the Final Four).

However, they are a young team that has been very inconsistent the entire season.

So, I was dwelling on that place in my bracket: do I go with the fan pick or the realistic pick?

DRUM ROLL PLEASE....

UCLA over VCU in round 1. Villanova over UCLA in round 2.

P.S. In case you're wondering, I have Pitt winning the whole thing.

Old School is the new New School

I've been blessed to play music for a Holy Hour at a young adult retreat this coming weekend. I love Adoration and I love worship and I love music.

But, as we were planning out with the time of prayer, I had to learn a song that was new to me: O Salutaris Hostia.

I've probably heard that song many times in my lifetime as a Catholic, but I probably dismissed it because it wasn't "cool" enough as a song.

After I heard it and learned how to play it, all I can say is...WOW!

What a beautiful proclamation of the awesomeness of God, present in the Eucharist.

Now, this blog is not about the song per se. But more about the notion that old church hymns can be and should be as relied upon as an encounter with Christ as much as contemporary music.

These old hymns teach us about who we are. And who we are has a past, a history, that can be traced to some of the greatest saints in the history of humanity, like St. Thomas Aquinas who wrote this song. And this encounter with our past tells us who we are striving to be: citizens of our home in heaven.

So, Church, let's sing out O Salutaris Hostia as loud and as proud as Your Grace is Enough. The saints and the angels will be singing along with us.

P.S. A huge special thanks to Tom Booth for re-recording O Salutaris on his new album, Captured.

Should I stay or should I go now?

Ahhhh, yes the words of this R.E.M. song are running through my head this morning. It would be so nice to spend the day here in L.A., help out my brother and sister-in-law, hang out with my nephew.

But, there is much work to be done in San Diego. Retreats to plan. Music to learn. Programs to administrate. Laundry to be laundered (lots of laundry, I might add).

Yes, the proverbial tug-of-war of life and of ministry.

Mike Patin talked once about learning how to better manage tension in our lives. While many of us are on the quest for "balance", many of us are unable to achieve it because we can't clearly discern where God is guiding us.

But when we are aware of tension (i.e. should I have my Confirmation meeting or go witness the birth of my nephew?), the Holy Spirit now has a greater opening help us make decisions, big and small.

There are contexts in our lives when we should prioritize ministry over life. But, there are clearly times that ministry should take a back seat to life. Like, canceling that Confirmation meeting to witness the birth of my nephew.

I think my family and the Holy Spirit would agree I got this one right.

It's about time for a new post

I haven't blogged in over three months. Busyness is one reason. Twitter is another. Lack of organization is up there too. But, today of all days, I have many reasons to post.

Today is the Feast of St. Patrick. For probably obvious reasons, this day has significance for me since I am named after this holy man of God.

I went to Mass this morning, and, in honor of St. Patrick, Fr. Ernesto used this as a closing prayer:

Christ beside me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ within me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me.

This prayer was so true for me today, as I celebrated the birth of my new baby nephew, Andrew Jr.

I was most certainly consumed by God in every sense, from receiving Him in the Eucharist as I started this day to the loving support of my parish community to the courage to re-prioritize my day to seeing the joy of my family to holding a gift from heaven in my arms.

The change that a newborn brings about in his/her parents is, of course, monumental. But, is there a different, yet no less monumental change brought about in the lives of the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends, communities?

I would say that the answer is an absolute yes.

I don't know how my life will be different. But it will definitely not be the same.

I have a new teacher in my life. A young man who will teach me about love. How to receive love, but definitely how to give love. This young man will be a reminder by every laugh and cry and dirty diaper that, even though I thought I had love figured out, I don't.

And while this young man cannot use words to speak yet, he'll communicate a language that is at the core of every human heart he will come in contact with. A language of life. A language of hope. A language of family.

There is cuteness in thinking about sharing in the journey of this young man. But this new life has caused me to think about my own conversion. If I am to live my vocation as uncle, I must be a better Christian, a better son and brother, a better friend, a man of integrity, an example of God's mercy and peace.

At every Mass, the priest prays these words that has really stood out to me lately:

Make us grow in love.

We better get started, nephew. I have a lot to learn from you.

P.S. Nephew, on the day you were born, the Lakers had a bad loss to the 76ers, I have not yet completed my NCAA Tournament bracket, and I'm sleepy but want to catch up on 24.

In need of a writing spot

Some of the great writers/thinkers I know have a physical location that aids them in their writing/thinking.  For some of them, they have several locations.

I do not have one of these locations that I've designated my writing spot.  Sometimes, it's my bedroom.  Sometimes my office.  Sometimes a sports bar.

Obviously, the creative process can happen at any time and any place.  But there does seem to be about your current surroundings that make a difference.

Speaking of creative, I'm meeting with a sister in ministry tomorrow to vision on how I can be a better worship leader.

Other random thoughts:

• I decided to bust out the scarves that my mom has bought for me through the years.  Pretty sweet, not gonna lie.
  
• One of the blessings of ministry is getting to welcome home youth group kids from college, especially around Christmas time.
  
• Getting body work done on the car this week, so I'm cruising around in a Pontiac G6.  Not a bad ride.
  
• The Utah snowboarding trip is this week.  Oh Lord, please let my body survive.
  

Avenida Magdalena

I’ve driven the 5 freeway from San Diego to Los Angeles for a significant portion of my adult life. And while there have been many reasons over the years for my northbound adventures, my final destination was not so much about a city or a building, but about home.

Yesterday, as I drove up the I-5 through San Clemente, I noticed a sign that I’ve driven by during those many many journeys: Avendia Magdalena, 1/4 mile.

Normally, I would not think twice about this sign, as it looks the same as every other sign on the freeway.

But, Magdalena is the name of my beloved grandmother, who died on Nov. 30.

And I drove by the sign on my way to the airport, to get on a plane to attend her funeral in her home, Cebu.

This moment of awareness of this sign was both sad and joyful.

Sad because it was a reminder of the purpose of this journey. And joyful because it was a reminder of the final destination of this journey.

There is that cliche, “Home is where the heart is”. I think of home whenever I think of my grandmother, whether it was at her house in the Philippines or going to church or a fast-food restaurant or a beach resort or a shopping center.

Throughout my entire life, she taught me to value something greater than myself: God and family. And family, with all it’s imperfections, is a place where two of God’s gifts reside: love and mercy. She gave both generously. I’m sure she made sacrifices for my good that I will never know about. She expected that God and family were first in my heart, even to the point of demanding it.

I am who I am today because she defined home in all it’s beauty and all it’s responsibility.

I will be arriving at her house shortly. I will see pictures of her. I will feel her presence. I will remember her in the family and friends that are gathering to celebrate her life. But she won’t be there to greet me, as she did every time I came to visit her. And, while there is sadness in this realization, there is also hope.

While it might seem like my idea of home should be different without her, there is something strangely familiar and comforting. And that’s probably because now, she’s directing me to a different home, heaven, waiting to greet me there.

My Thanksgiving list

I was at the ultimate Thanksgiving feast yesterday morning - Mass - and listened to a wonderful homily by Fr. Brian.  He encouraged us to be thankful for everyone and everything in our lives.  But...he also said that our gratitude needs to be directed towards the source of all of our blessings: God, our Father in heaven.  In fact, the Thanksgiving holiday was instituted by President Abraham Lincoln with this very thought in mind.  (You'll note in reading President Lincoln's proclamation that our country's issues in 1863 are not that different than what we are dealing with in 2008).

Now, for us as Christians, this seems to be an no-brainer, to give thanks to God.

Yet, I couldn't help but feel Fr. Brian's words pierce my heart.  He challenged us to give thanks from the depths of our hearts, in authentic love for God, not just in tokens of gratitude.

And, it made me realize, that I suck at being grateful.  I'm not grateful enough.  And I probably don't even offer quality gratefulness.  It's not because my parents didn't teach this to me.  It's not because I don't know how to do it.  It's really because I lack the humility to give thanks.

So, here is my very small attempt to live and express the love that I have for the blessings that God has given to me, despite my smallness, and brokennesss...

• To my father, Vicente Jr., who models for me courage and faithfulness to the truth of Jesus Christ and His Church, and the on-going search for that truth.  I would not be the man of God I am today without his example.
• To my mother, Maria, who is to me the definition of love: the self-donation, without counting the cost, always willing the good of the other (whoever the other is).
• My sister, Sister Jennifer, who has endured much and sacrificed much to be in the joyful vocation that Christ has called her to live.
• To my brother Steve, who has always embraced and lived the freedom that is ours when we trust the divine plan, not the human plan.
• To my brother Andrew, who is a man in every sense of the word, and growing beautifully in to his vocation of husband and father.
• To my sister-in-law Grace, who has been a blessing to our family from the very moment she entered our lives.  My brother is lucky, but I think we're equally as lucky.
• To my cousins, my greatest regret in my life is that there are too many miles that separate us and calendar years between our visits.  Yet your presence in my heart and my prayer is always strong.
• To all of my grandparents, Vicente Sr. and Magdalena and Simeon and Eugenia, the best I can do to repay your love is to keep you in prayer and live by the example you set for me.
• To all the priests that have nurtured my faith.  My ministry and my desire to do God's Will would not be possible without your wisdom.
• To my Groupies, I never thought the brotherhood of faith that we share would be so necessary for my sanity and my trust and my hope.  I need your presence in my life more than you will know.
• For music, especially the Coldplay and John Mayer albums that kept me company during my drive home to LA yesterday.
• For people who don't answer an incoming call on their cell phones in front of other people, particularly when that other person happens to be the God of the Universe.
• To old friends who I lost contact with, please know that I pray everyday for our paths to cross again.
• To Rob, Tony, Trish, Michelle, Patti, Franc, Tina, Debbie, Pete, Susan, Roberta, Del, Cheryl, Tim Liz, Melani, Chris, John, I'm in awe of your dedication and desire to serve.  Thank you does not seem like enough of an expression of gratitude.
• To my roommate Nick for how he lives out the Beatitudes.
• To youth workers of every denomination, you are my people!  Thanks for sharing this journey with me.
• To the St. James community, who continue to amaze me by their generosity and love.
• To teens past, present and future of St. James Youth Ministry, I cannot name all of you for fear of forgetting someone.  But know you have touched my heart and brought me closer to God.  My life is most certainly better off for your presence in my life.
• For musicians and speakers who have devoted their talent to serve the people of God, you give me reason to pray hard and worship more from the depths of my heart.
• For the Sacraments, the source of my life.
• For my many crosses, God's gift to me that I may glorify Him and allow him to love me.

God does reward faithfulness

Now don't misunderstand the title of this post.  God rewards faithfulness to Him with love and mercy and the goodness that leads us to heaven.  And if wins on a football field serve the purpose of God's will, then how blessed is that team and their fans.  But if losing brings about God's will, then...how blessed is that team and their fans.

It is this thought of faithfulness to God that makes Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh's story so darn cool.